Connections.

Who do you connect with? Who do you have that safe, honest, deep and secure relationship with?

I have been reading and watching some amazing, inspiring writers and speakers on education; all of whom aim to impart how to get the best out of ourselves and others.  As I have been doing this,  I keep coming across the importance of connection. I think this is probably a topic which will take several blogs to fully understand and explore, so today I am going to start with the Ted talk by Johann Hari.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PY9DcIMGxMs

This talk is three years old now, so already I feel like I'm coming to the party a little late and yet as I watched and listened to what was said, I could see the ideas being discussed relating so much to the children that I have taught... not that any of these children were drug addicts!! But the idea that a child's behaviour can be effected by how connected they feel within their family, their friends and with the adults around them.  

We have all had the experience of teaching someone who is really difficult to connect with, the one who is ready for the fight as soon as they walk into your classroom, they have the 'come and have a try, if you think you're hard enough' attitude and just want you to say something, anything to them so that they have a reason to explode. These are the children who expect you not to care and who protect themselves from the lose of connection by attacking those who try. It made me think of the quote by Russell Barkley, 'The children who need love the most will always ask for it in the most unloving ways'. 

As Paul Dix, so brilliantly explains it in his book 'When Adults Change Everything Changes', '...he wants to know who will leave their hand even when his behaviour should have made them take it away.  At that point he will take your hand and go anywhere with you, learning everything from you and go dramatically over and above.'

The challenge is, as a teacher and a parent at times, to keep on trying to connect even when your hand is being bitten off at every opportunity. I have heard excellent teachers describe how a child is impossible and needs to make more effort, I would include myself in this group as well. Yet, we expect children at times to behave in ways that we as adults are unable to ourselves. We expect them to manage their emotions as they are happening and to be able to control themselves. With our help and support and in the security of a safe and consistent relationship this can happen, but it needs us to lead the way and the process.