Intrinsically Important - intrinsic values vs extrinsic rewards

In his book, Lost Connection, Johann Hari talks about how motivation comes in two ways. The first, is intrinsic, we have a desire to get up and to do things that will make us happy or that we think are worth will.  We see this in children all the time, in their enthusiasm for life and play; how they can find joy in the simplest things.  Within intrinsic motivation is also the desire to be kind and generous with others, we take joy and happiness out of those moments of feeling that we have done well and the right thing.  

Opposed to this is extrinsic reward; we do things not because we have the desire to do them, but because we will receive some form of reward for it, this could be money, superiority or school based rewards such as cups and prizes.  The difficulty with extrinsic reward is that it doesn't actually give the recipient the deep sense of happiness that an intrinsic value will provide.   We all been there, we've worked hard with the hope of winning a prize or gaining respect only to have a crushing anticlimactic feeling when finally we get it, a 'is that it' sense.  So we strive for the next thing, the next rung on the ladder to see if we can get the rush of happiness that we desire, only to be disappointed again.

The extrinsic approach of schools

In schools, however, we seem to encourage extrinsic motivation rather than seeking to build and develop intrinsic values.

Reward systems such as house points, dojos, cups, sports colours and prize-givings encourage extrinsic beliefs of self, rather than developing the core intrinsic values. In one school I worked with recently, the reward system was extensive, for those children who were sporty or academically able there was a myriad of ways to tell them they were great. Some would say that that is fair enough and that they deserve the praise, but when you look more closely at this, I don't believe it is healthy for those children or those children who are not enjoying the glow of success.  It is detrimental in two ways, those who are not rewarded are left feeling unvalued and despondent, no matter how hard they have tried, their efforts are to no avail; left to feel like this often enough, it is easy to see a child who stops trying or loses their sense of self worth.  At the other end of the spectrum, the children who are rewarded can also struggle with their sense of self worth. 

I speak from personal experience here as a parent of a child who was lauded at a very young age for his sporting ability. Initially as a parent I was delighted, there was my child being celebrated and I could bask in the glow of his glory. This state of euphoria, however,  didn't last.  He quickly stopped listening to his coaches, believing that he knew what he was doing and it became very apparent that his sense of his own value came from winning and extrinsic rewards.  Inadvertently, we had damaged his intrinsic values, self belief and motivation by telling him how great he was. 

We are now having to unpick and rebuild his sense of value to enable him to work harder and to make the progress we know he can. We are doing this by encouraging GRACE (see image below) in how we speak to him and how we speak about our own day with him.

We have introduced a gratitude and appreciation jar at home to encourage him to reflect on his day in a positive way. By appreciating what he can do and emphasising the progress he is making when he does try and apply himself, it is easier to have those conversations about what he needs to do to improve and the effort that it will require. In doing this we are trying to rebalance and build up his intrinsic values again, so that he does things because he wants to do them and get joy from them, not because he believes that he will be rewarded externally at the end. One of the best moments for me recently was hearing him talking to himself at the kitchen table whilst doing his Maths homework (Maths has always been a bit of a nemesis in our house), 'I can do this', he muttered to himself, 'focus, focus.' This for me was better than any ward system the school could have in place, it was the start of him developing his own desire to do well, for no other reason than he wanted to, for himself.